I cant lose anyone

Aham Brahmasmi… That’s how I see myself…

I thought I was happy. I thought my life was perfect. I thought I would have all the fun. I thought I would never lose anyone… until I lost all my belief. Yes… life stole away from me two lives..

I had joined my office in May and the very next day, my granddad fell ill. Not tat he was extremely fit. He was suffering from parkinson for 72 years! He communicated jaundice and right in front of my eyes… he went kaput. When I was barely five, he stealthily wrote my homework’s for me, picked me up from my school, told me… paal vandachu, coffee kudikalam… he was very possessive about me. He used to say.. “she’s my pethi. I won’t let anyone else touch her.” Tat was his standard dialogue. And I used to feel proud. He taught me slokams and narrated bed time stories. We had our own carom tournaments, with our own special rules. When amma appa got transferred to another city, taatha paati were my guardian. He signed my report cards, wrote leave letters when I didn’t feel like going to school and he even attended PTA meetings for me. Damn me.. I cant even figure a sentence when am talking about him and I call myself a journalist! He was very special. We had our own secrets. I told him how I used to have head bath every morning without telling amma appa or paati… tat was few days ago his death! And till date, it remains a secret…..

I couldn’t bring myself to face the reality. When his body was brought in an ice box, I kept staring at his legs and eyes.. praying silently tat he would signal to me tat he s still alive. But of course, that never happened.

And then, exactly after 6 months, I lost my attimber. To tell you the truth, I was scared of him. He had a thick moustache and I thought he was very strict. I used to hardly open my mouth when I was with him. But things changed this august. My mom literally had to pull me away from him… he was my sole companion. We kept going yak yak all the time. It was raining heavily then and I couldn’t go for this sight seeing thingy… He kept insisting that I must visit Bombay when it isn’t raining and tat he would take me out… and I went again this November… to take him to his abode. He left me stranded… and yes.. it didn’t rain this time in Bombay.

This is life!

After a long time, am telling you my life is perfect.. well sort of. I mean, am employed with the times group in chennai.. office is just 30 min drive(without traffic.. tat s d catch), my collgs r just great.. i mean.. how would ur boss(editor in my case) react if u walk into d meeting hall with pen in ur mouth, notepad under ur chin, mobile in one hand and coffee cup in d other? but m boss says... childishness in its extreme! he thinks he would have been sued for employing me.. coz i was just 19 some 3 months ago wen i joined. others feel d same! some say am a bundle of energy... others say am akid. but everyone agree tat am a jam baby!(i dont mind coz dravid is also a jammy) and tat am a chatterbox.. tat i agree with. i mean.. i cant keep my mouth shut.

hey halt... boss.. if u r reading this (like u said.. my blogs might be error free.. coz they r just my feeling.. no quotes and not YOU for a simple U... ) so.. please dont think my main stories will be like this... am jus writing for myself and not for d CT readers:).. happy reading!

ya.. abck to square one... , life isnt in deep pits anymore... and according to my frnds..and am better off than anyone else in our gang... and am not wondering if i should become a sanyasin..(u know i dont want to become one... well.. u-know-y:))..... and my life is colourful with an U.. guess wat.. i even started behaving like an adult... i dont cry for small things like not getting an ipod...:)
i even stopped gulping down packets of sugar...and i stil have my jap mala... i wear them secretly..(gosh.. it is not a secret anymore)... and i also have this secret fascination abt this.. ummm.. these 3 guys.. ok. make it 4... ya.. so am perfectly normal.. and am more like a girl who is 20-yr-old... with a perfect life...

and lets see... i still crave for coffee... and chocolate... and still coffee without sugar.. is still ahte morning rains... and afternoon sun...

and know wat.. i just realised tat ppl who look dignified are really dumb.. in the last 3 months.. i haven come across any single person who would like to have a conversation- my way! i mean... noone talks my kinda sense.. and.. ya. tat s it...

but trust me... am meeting all these nice ppl who have inspired me in some way or other.. bas.. i jus want to meet KK and SK..and i wil be happy....

goodness... why do i want sooooooooo many things in life? i think i forgot my aim- to attain moksha... ok. i wil.. but after 60 years..:)

meanwhile am waiting for tat special somone to come back.. i have lots of things planned... goodness... am loving my life.. its too perfect to be picture perfect...:)

Am Back... !!:(

hello all.. am back. trying to tell u al how i have fared in life.. basically am back to square one! i don know wat to do wit life.. or life doesn know wat to do wit me i guess.. cause its been pushing me from one ladder to another.. pillar to post(I SHALL KICK U IF U READ IT AS DOG) and still.. its a mystry. i think i would have fared well if i had remained in kailashnath and become a sanyasin.. i atleast wont be sitting here.. bothering abt my placement.

first NDTV calls me.. says come join Metronation. then calls me for a training session in Jan. My coll says.. i can give u permission only after 1pm... le.. y do i need their permission for tat?!?!. so the channel chucks me. then am al keen about joining BHU(after seeing aaja nachle:)).. then Times Now me i apply.. TOI me also i apply. and after al this.. am suddenly bored with everything. No studies.. no job... no housekeeping as wel.!

My dad threatens me tat i wil be kicked out afe=ter 29th if i don do anything useful.. my attai calls me to her place.. then..? life s simple rite? no.. TOI takes my application.. says i wil be called like.. within a week for interview. then i make huge plans... wil bcum their travel journalist.. go officially to my attai s place.. have fun.. come back and submit 5-6 reports! but now... am back again. totally bored.

Am writing my final sem exams and i have a feeling am not doing wat i want to. So what am i to do? take up whatever job comes or try to find out what i want to do with the rest of my life? (according to my horoscope, its some 60 years more!!!!!!) ya... i also don want to do travel management in BHU...

basically am not doing anything worthwhile except the fact tat am blogging now... trying to clarify my thoughts while am typing it.. and gosh... no use. its al d same way it was before.. so.. pleaseeeeeeee help!!!!!

Moksha- No Revival

Could You Solve Crimes?

My Result: Have what it takes because you Have a Sharp Mind

There's no doubt about it: A quick-thinking person like you leaves no stone unturned and wastes no time solving any mystery that comes your way. Whether you're finding the fastest route to work, spotting online scams, or thinking up the perfect plan to escape a bad date, when it comes to using your noggin, you're definitely in first place.

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