I cant lose anyone

Aham Brahmasmi… That’s how I see myself…

I thought I was happy. I thought my life was perfect. I thought I would have all the fun. I thought I would never lose anyone… until I lost all my belief. Yes… life stole away from me two lives..

I had joined my office in May and the very next day, my granddad fell ill. Not tat he was extremely fit. He was suffering from parkinson for 72 years! He communicated jaundice and right in front of my eyes… he went kaput. When I was barely five, he stealthily wrote my homework’s for me, picked me up from my school, told me… paal vandachu, coffee kudikalam… he was very possessive about me. He used to say.. “she’s my pethi. I won’t let anyone else touch her.” Tat was his standard dialogue. And I used to feel proud. He taught me slokams and narrated bed time stories. We had our own carom tournaments, with our own special rules. When amma appa got transferred to another city, taatha paati were my guardian. He signed my report cards, wrote leave letters when I didn’t feel like going to school and he even attended PTA meetings for me. Damn me.. I cant even figure a sentence when am talking about him and I call myself a journalist! He was very special. We had our own secrets. I told him how I used to have head bath every morning without telling amma appa or paati… tat was few days ago his death! And till date, it remains a secret…..

I couldn’t bring myself to face the reality. When his body was brought in an ice box, I kept staring at his legs and eyes.. praying silently tat he would signal to me tat he s still alive. But of course, that never happened.

And then, exactly after 6 months, I lost my attimber. To tell you the truth, I was scared of him. He had a thick moustache and I thought he was very strict. I used to hardly open my mouth when I was with him. But things changed this august. My mom literally had to pull me away from him… he was my sole companion. We kept going yak yak all the time. It was raining heavily then and I couldn’t go for this sight seeing thingy… He kept insisting that I must visit Bombay when it isn’t raining and tat he would take me out… and I went again this November… to take him to his abode. He left me stranded… and yes.. it didn’t rain this time in Bombay.